Presidential Debates

Credible threats of severe violence would not compel me to watch the presidential debates. If they were real debates, I might watch, or at least Tivo, the proceedings. But sit for an hour and watch these two nitwits struggle to avoid saying anything either meaningful or stupid?Are you serious?

The possibility that either man will say anything of substance has got to be in the neighborhood of 1,000,000,000,000 to 1. In fact the whole thing would be good for comedic value if it weren’t for the inescapably depressing fact that in a nation of 300 million people, these yahoos are ostensibly the best we have to choose from. It almost makes one yearn for a system based on the divine right of kings, or a brutal military dictatorship, or perhaps some good ol’ fashioned feudalism.

The only thing that could be more painful than watching tomorrow’s foreign policy debate would be watching the next debate, which is on domestic policy. This will involve a contest to see who can promise more taxpayer-funded swag to the highest amount of people. Winner takes all.

I’m not even sure what the theme of the third debate is. I’m hoping it will involve a 20-foot high steel cage, binding their wrists together with a leather strap, and a no-holds-barred rule scheme. And I want Michael Buffer as the host, yelling, “This match, brought to you by Budweiser the King of Beers, will be sixty minutes, one fall, for the presidency of the United States of Americaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!”

After which, moderator Mills Lane will get them in the middle of the ring and scream “Let’s get it on!”

Followed by a good solid hour of blood, guts and mayhem.

Cheney and Edwards can prowl the outside of the ring like Capt. Lou Albano and Classy Freddie Blassie, taking cheap shots at every opportunity and distracting the referee at key moments so their man can get an unfair advantage. Two walk in, one walks out.

Now that, I’d watch.

In fact, I’d pay to watch it. And further, I’d buy the PPV rights and hand the profits over to the U.S. Treasury to wipe out the national debt. I’m pretty sure it’s the only chance either guy has of actually doing something good for this country.

This entry was posted in Politics. Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>