Dave For Vice-President

So, the rumor is that Dick Cheney is getting dropped from the 2004 GOP ticket. If this is so, I’d like to throw my hat in the ring to replace him. Here, then, are my qualifications as I see them.

1. The Vice-President basically doesn’t do anything. I basically don’t do anything.

2. The Vice-President has to be free from scandal. I don’t have a social life, and therefore couldn’t get in to a scandal if I tried.

3. The Vice President’s main job is to go to the funerals of international political figures. I have a really snappy dark suit. And a passport.

4. The Vice President becomes the President if the sitting President dies. I pledge to resign immediately if that happens, and let somebody qualified take the job.

What do you think? I’m ideal for the gig, I could use the raise, and I’m immediately available.

I’m relying on my loyal readers to start the grassroots campaign to make this happen; I don’t want to seem too ambitious. Ambitiousness is not attractive in a Vice-President. So let’s get to work out there.

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